bali & cancer

I've found that the longer I live with cancer, the more spontaneous, 'seize the day' I become. 

Planning for holidays has never been my strong suit. I tend to be pretty happy at home. I'm such a homebody. Love my creature comforts and pottering about my own place. But cancer has definitely changed my 'it can wait' perspective on getting away. I've got to fit a lifetime of holidays into a few short years! Can it be done? Well I'm giving it a pretty good go!

The more I think about how great I'm feeling on this drug combo of 'Vanilla Bean' and Xeloda the more I don't want to take my chances waiting to do the things I've always wanted to do.

So.

Getting away with Huz is one of my favourites. He and I travel so well together. We love relaxing and taking it all in, and he's such great company. I love to do holidays with him.

Six nights away with Huz at a luxury villa was so good for my soul. Bali was the perfect spot.

Beyond grateful to our parents for looking after the littles so we could whisk off. It was a pretty big ask, and we timed our trip while school was still on so that our parents wouldn't have to entertain all three all day every day that we were away. It's a huge ask though. Such love showered on us from all four of them to set aside plans to love on the boys for us.

And a trip to Bali with Huz? A definite cancer perk!

Do we look fit to be parents? 

That's better. Think we'd fool them now.

There were so many highlights on this trip. Swimming, eating divine seafood, our amazing four poster canopy bed, shopping in the markets, watching beautiful sunsets, reading amazing books, long conversations and beautiful silences, daily massages and coffee in the rainforest.

Very memorable and so very life-giving. Living each moment well was a privilege. 

Lots of smiles in these photos, which was easy because there was so much to smile over and marvel at.

But by the final night as we watched the amazing Bali sunset my hearts ache was for my littles. I am so tied to these three boys of mine, and truly 6 nights away was my utter limit for missing those squeezable cheeks, cheeky, toothy smiles and tight cuddles.

Huz will tell you I was a mass of tears for most of the final evening. Induced mostly by the desperate realisation that someday soon my separation from the boys will be final and one that a quick plane trip home won't remedy. 

Me in my forever home, that place of no more tears, but my precious 4 boys with that homesickness for me that will remain until they join me.

And the thought of that had me crying into Huz's shoulder even while Balinese singers gathered round our table on the beach to serenade us.

Oh my breaking heart. It just breaks a little more at the most unexpected times, leaving me spinning.

This long goodbye. The one I want with all my soul to be beautiful, and life giving to my True, Brave and Soul. And my Huz. How am I so blessed that he would love me and choose me, and still choose me everyday in this muck of cancer. 

And that's how we did Bali with cancer. I swallowed pills morning and night, and the rest of the time we ate, drank and were merry. 

And aside from being referred to as 'sir' once or twice, courtesy of my super short do', most of the time I think we had Bali fooled! 

Just another couple on our 'honeymoon' as far as they were concerned. And that was the best feeling of all! A true break from being a patient. Just what the doctor ordered!