be strong and courageous

My boy True has a soft heart that meets mine, sometimes on days when I least expect it. Yesterday his words broke me in all the best ways. Words hidden amongst a family drive-just a way to spend time together after a whirlwind of school holiday and work commitments drove us all in separate directions this past week.

My True had missed his Daddy who had been working late to meet a big deadline. I hadn't noticed the disconnect. But he was a little shadow to his Dad over the weekend. Keen to help on projects around the house, thriving under the kind words his Daddy threw over him like a warm blanket after being cold to the bones.

Driving to the bakery in Meadows we listened to a story together - the one about a heroic little crop duster who wins a huge race with a little encouragement from his friends. (Thanks Disney) When we arrived we had Brave a mess of car sickness, Soul keen to run around, and a True wanting to be given responsibility and be Dad's helper.

We grabbed donuts and coffee on the way to the playground, and the boys slid and swung and hurled themselves around despite the chilly day. Huz pushed them on swings, I sat and drank in the moment: Me out of the house and living life with my family - sweet sweet times. And I promise I didn't even whinge about the cold (which I absolutely normally would have) because who could be cross at bone chillin' cold when I was with my littles instead of waving them goodbye from the couch.

And we are walking back to the car when True says, 'This was the best day I have ever had in my life'. Oh my boy. My True. And he tells Dad first, and when he gets to me I whisper back in his ear so it's our secret, 'This is my best day too'. And I scoop him up in a cuddle because I still can. 

And then there's the part that breaks me again. The part where we sing loud and free to music on the drive home - that CD that never gets played anymore because that was what I used to do back in the day when life was normal, and Mummy cooked and ran the house, and that's when I would play these songs - hoping the Truth would sink into little hearts as the music beat out the Jesus story...

True and Brave remember the words - some of them - and we just sing sing sing. 'Be Strong and Courageous' begins, and I remember how my breath catches at the Hope ringing true in the lyrics. Then True's voice belts out the words, 

'Be strong and courageous
Lord of the Ages, 
Holds all His little ones safe by His side, 
Be strong and courageous, 
The Lord of the Ages
Holds all His little ones safe'.

And for all the reasons you can guess and all the hidden sadness too the tears are rolling, rolling down my face and they won't stop as I hear his beautiful, high, confidant, true voice ring out in the car reminding me that God will hold him when I am gone because doesn't He hold all his little ones safe? 

True has often times been too shy to sing out loud, but when I look into the revision mirror, he is singing with gusto. I can almost see the deep truths penetrating that heart of his.

And that's when it happened. The little family drive becoming sacred. The space to be together - just the five of us - and my boy True soars. His heart meeting mine and breaking me in all the best ways.