you love me so well

You love me so well. You who comes to all my appointments and chemo. You who takes time off work to drive the boys to school and childcare. You who makes school lunches at 8pm at night, and loads the dishwasher in the morning so I don't have to look and smell dirty dishes all day from my spot on the couch.

You love me so well. You who comes home from work when it's dark, and feeds the boys a sneaky taste of liquorice while you talk to them about their days. You who scoops up Soul and finds teddy and big red dog and his sleeping bag too. You who prays with the boys, and has secret talks with them by their bunk when you say goodnight.

You who asks me, 'what do you want, and what do you need?' when you know that it probably involves talking. Lots of talking.

You who finds me most nights at around 9pm a sobbing mess of barely articulated emotions. A stream of sadness. A dribbling mess of cancer related melancholy.

You who has found his wife dressed day and night in a dressing gown, explorer socks and pj's on for the last 5 months. Oh, and I'm bald. Not in the sexy way, just in the cancer patient 'I'm having chemo' way. You love me so well.

You who gladly drove me and the boys to a far off playground yesterday, and declared to them that it was a real treat that I was there with you. Because I can never come anywhere anymore. Even though I can only walk slowly, and I wore the most hideous outfit possible. You who has to take the boys on his own to church. You who is practicing the single parent routine while I am still here, talking and breathing. It breaks me. You love me so well.

You who has been my best friend, my 'take him for granted', always by my side husband for the last 12 years. You who has laughed with me and talked with me and taken my side even when I'm in the wrong, and who sees me when I won't let anyone else see my heart, see my brokenness. You who is grafted into my very being, my very heart. You who is a part of me in every facet. You love me so well.

You who is the most decent, deep and surprising man I have met. You who is accomplished at almost everything you put your hand to. You who melts me when I look into your eyes. You who is handsome and a little grey haired and perfectly tall and looks divine in a suit. You who holds my heart. 

You who has never left my side during my illness. You who has shown me the face of Jesus in my darkest moments. You who has never judged my doubt or need to give in to the overwhelming monumental sadness of what we face. You who has never made me feel alone in this horrible sickness. You have loved me like Christ loves the church. Your arms feel like home when I'm in them, and I'm having a hard time today imagining us apart. 

You who is my safe place. My happy place. My home.

I love you with all my heart.