moss the boss at chemo

These beauties have made me smile all week. Your garden is stunning sis!

Today Aunty L swept in with her sunshine and came to Tennyson to be dragged in and around as we toted ourselves from one chemo chair, into the doctors office, back to a different chair, and downstairs for coffee and up again. I had missed her dreadfully. I love to linger in her mad, fun, roses bringing, all out sunshine. 

Loved having her with us today. And why let it all be about chemo...because of course I got to quiz her on all my interior design dilemmas, and laugh at her hilarious stories. Thank goodness for family who don't let a whole day be ruined by treatment.

Soul joined us too - his childcare centre has been dealing with copious children coming down with gastro. Yikes. Last thing we need going through our family. Just thinking about puking children and the domino effect of liquid flying fast and free from a few different angles has me shudder. It's the worst. Made a little worse by trawling through my days of nausea and 'space cadet' post chemo brain, I'm a pretty sloppy night nurse at best, and at my worst I'm impatient and un-empathetic.

Shivers down my spine. I anticipate it like no other sickness. Gastro has a power over me I tell you.

I'm kinda full on about it. Like full on enough that both of us remember a time a friend came to visit after he had been in bed with gastro a mere few hours prior and we were so loving and casual that we didn't let him in the door of our house. Oh my. Yes. We are those people.

So thanks to that, little Soul got to hang out with us and of course spend the couple of hours he was there asking loud, succinct, straight out questions. These were interspersed with his reflections on the medical practices he was witnessing (not only mine but those in all the surrounding chairs) and in between he found the time to introduce himself to every nurse he encountered.

It was actually pretty darn cute.

I have no idea where he gathers his confidence. He puts me to shame as he delves straight in asking what a nurses name is, that he is in return 'Moss the Boss', and then at some point in the afternoon I heard him say, 'Goodbye then Jane'.

He learned her name upon introduction and closed with it too.

Slick.

I was a little edgy that he would comment on someone's appearance as there are obviously a number of really quite sick people being treated, but thankfully we were spared that bullet as his little innocent voice bounced all around. 

You definitely made lots of people smile today Soul. Loved that. I'm so glad you came.

Because I've put a lot of energy into sparing the boys any insight into this horrid game of treatment. Their world, our world, has been intentionally kept separate. The world of cancer treatment has not earned the right to infringe on their childhood, and the past three and now more years have seen me line up hours upon hours of babysitting favours to keep these two worlds from intersecting.

But today there was no easy way around it, and Soul's age allows a little less 'mother bear' protection guarding his heart from some of the confusion and confrontation. And it reminds me of the time I first allowed Brave to come to my appointments and hold my hand while I got my monthly injection, and it just felt so risky to let him into this world. 

Soul with his balloon dog that Dr M whipped up at my palliative care appointment. No one's offered me a balloon animal before...

My goodness, here I am, still trying to keep these parts of my life separate. And if only I could ban them from interacting ever again, but I can't, and I won't, because now is the time to allow it all to mix together at times as this life swirls around faster than I can barely catch it, and if that means Soul gets to make lots of sick people smile at his loud sweet chatter then bring it on. 

You're so damn bossy cancer. But now I'm handling you like a boss.

Take that.