traditions, rituals and doing life together

Here is the little letter I have been putting off writing for the longest of times. 

Huz asked me again the other day about it. He wants to keep our traditions after I've flown away, but it's kinda a big ask as I've been at the centre of organising much of it, which has been my joy. 

So I want you to know how truly I feel that these traditions and rituals and ways of celebrating can ebb and flow. Nothing in this list is set in stone, I would never want to make this yet another 'thing to do' or 'list to cross off'.

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer I remember feeling that this cancer was aiming at my family. Aiming at my very home. Aiming at my loves, my people, the ones I hold most dear. Because if I am the target, then so are they. 

And that's just so not ok with me.

My boys you are loved loved loved. You know, loved in the way that I would climb mountains for you, sit through tedious documentaries for you, wrestle wild bears in order to save you. That way. That kinda love. You know the kind

Doing life together is my favourite thing, my ultimate fun, the time I giggle the most and the moments I remember back to with the fondest thoughts. So, that's why this little list is hard to write my boys. This writing out, this passing on, this laying out of our ways, our little family's way of doing life together. Traditions are like that. They make us secure. We know what to look forward to, we understand the terrain of life around us better when rituals and traditions provide a foundation.

And for us, the heart of all these rituals and traditions is Jesus. The one who has changed our world from grey to multicolour. The one who all of life is about. The one who makes my flying away well with my soul.

Traditions are at the centre of so much of what I am trying to establish in our home. The rituals and celebrations and traditions that stitch us together one thread, one meal, one celebration at a time.

Because what would life be without cake at our birthday party, without stockings hung at Christmas time, or without photos taken on the first day of school each year?

And I guess you are little now, and pretty 'on board' with all my madness, all my gingerbread house making, photo snapping, balloon hanging, present wrapping, song singing silliness. 

And as you grow and get all big and gangly and pimply and manly and wonderful you might not be so keen for my traditions, but deep down you would have been glad glad glad to be made to take part. And I was looking forward to that. Looking forward to dragging your sorry selves along for the ride with these rituals. 

After all, I love teenagers. I got to hang out with a nephew of mine today. He was super brave and talked with me for a bit, and it reminded me that I won't get to know you littles all big and big. I would have loved to. Would have loved to drink tea with you and hear about your girlfriends, and talk about what you're thinking, how you're tracking along with friends, music. Whatever you are into I would get into to. Even cricket. Well, that would be a massive stretch, but that's how much I love you boys. Even cricket.

Anyway.

I am so sidetracked. That's what thinking about our rituals does to me because they are about the long haul, about traditions that span years and years and span childhood into teenage-hood and into adulthood too. I hope with all my hope that you will carry some of our traditions into your own families. Oh my. I have to stop myself from going to that place where I think about you with families of your own. I can hear my heart trying not to collapse in on itself...seriously...I want so badly to be in your lives through the years. I feel all hot and sweaty, all green and queasy thinking that I won't be there. Won't be part of all the gritty, of all the nitty gritty.

This sucks.

I hate cancer more now than when I began writing today. 

Just when I think that I have found a place of peace about flying away soon, and then I remember how much I long to have a place in your lives for all of these moments, and I just...lose the peace. Gone.

And it's not even the big monumental moments. I do want to be at graduations and weddings and parties and all of it. I do. But almost more than these 'big moments' I want to sit with you in the dark after you've come home from a date and have you sit on the end of my bed and tell me all about it, tell me your worries over a cup of tea in the kitchen just you and me, I want to be at all of your sporting events, every.single.one. and I want to get to play board games with your brothers and Daddy as we hang out on a Friday night over pizza. 

I long to be in those moments with you.

I long to make new traditions with you boys. The tradition of late night movie nights. The tradition of playing basketball out the back when you get home from school. The tradition of me messing up your hair even though you're eons taller than me, and you winking at me when I drop you off to hang out with your friends.

New traditions as you grow.

The heart of traditions are family. The love that is poured into these moments binds us together in all the best ways. I treasure these traditions and rituals. They are ours to hold. They shape us as much as we shape them.

One of my joys as you littles have grown is that our family rituals have too. There are the daily ones like stories and prayers and songs and tucking in at bedtime. The weekly ones, like going to church on Sunday morning, and sleeping in and relaxing on Saturdays, and pizza and movie night on Fridays is a favourite too.

Before I was sick I loved our breakfast around the kitchen table with a devotional, and often if we drove to school I would pray for our day ahead as we wove around refrigerator gully and up the hill. Huz is so not a morning person so that doesn't really happen anymore which is totally fine. See? Traditions are flexible. They work for us not the other way around.

This year I made Anzac biscuits. Such a homely smell wafting through all day. But really, I just can't compete with Nana Mary and her amazing 'Diggers'. She cooks with magic. Actually just this week I'm wondering if she's holding back a secret ingredient or technique. I can never get them as good! Hers are the best say all of us! We love you Nana.

True and Brave went to a dawn service with Gran-dad this year. Over dinner that evening we talked about our very favourite things about Australia and the way the Anzacs fought for our freedom. 

I want you littles never to take that for granted.

The annual traditions like the ones surrounding birthdays have a little leg room. There is always always always pancakes for breakfast with 'happy birthday' sung to a candle wedged into a stack of pancakes for the birthday boy, presents upon waking up, balloons hung upside down in the doorway to walk through first thing, and treats taken to school (brownies anyone?) to share with friends. 

Birthday parties have been every second year, and in the year off a family celebrations with cousins and aunties and uncles plus a special outing (movies or bowling maybe?) have been the thing. 

our 'happy b'day' banner gets brought out every time...

Rituals for Easter are still forming really. We hunt for eggs! Hooray! This year we did four hunts. Four. That is a little too many surely. In the morning we wake early and hunt outside and then put all the eggs in a basket together which then gets portioned out to make it fair.

Huz and I always watch an Easter movie like Son of God or The Passion. We go to church on the morning of Black Friday and eat yummy scrummy easter buns after. On Sunday morning we go to church and continue the chocolate binge after.

Christmas traditions are my absolute favourite. 

On the 1st of December the Christmas tree (if we are using our fake one) MUST be put up. Must must must. That way you get a full four weeks to enjoy it, cos tell you what baby, when Christmas is over so is the tree. I whip that thing down immediately. Not sure why, but after Boxing Day it just seems like clutter. So get decorating with lights and ornaments (I buy a couple of new ones each year and keep the kiddy ones on the fridge or somewhere else. Yes, I am that mum!)

I make a Christmas Cake using the Dunkley family traditional recipe including dropping  the tin on concrete x3. Love it.  (pssst. It's super yum especially drizzled with brandy). 

The Jessie Tree starts on the 1st December and each day we read a short story/devotional and place an ornament on the small tree (or sticks in a vase) so that by the 25th it is full of ornaments. Just so beautiful.

We decorate a gingerbread house in the week leading up to Christmas, and this year I found mini houses so that each little had their own. Perfect. Make a ton of icing. You're gonna need it. And don't be skimping on the lollies. Father Christmas likes a shard of it, so go big or go home!

We like to watch the Christmas Pagent on TV cos then you don't have to fight the crowds OR have to arrive at the crack of dawn. We do however try to make an appearance at the Blackwood Christmas Pagent. Think local fun, people. Or getting to go in the fire truck with Granddad. That's pretty cool too.

On Christmas Eve Eve (the night before Christmas Eve if you're still confused Huz) we make the living room our place to be and fill it with mattresses, blankets, rugs, pillows, the lot because we are going to watch a sweet Christmas movie under the Christmas tree twinkling lights and then fall asleep together. This is my favourite tradition of all. I love it. Daddy not so much. Oh well, can't please them all...

On Christmas Eve you get one present my littles, which if you haven't worked out yet always contains PJ's (what cuties opening your pressies in the morning with new PJ's) and lollies. Then we set out a plate of Christmas Cake for Father Christmas and a carrot and milk and whatnot for the reindeers. From this year we will even have a real chimney. That'll make it easier to explain how he gets in. Phew!

On Christmas Day we start early by checking that Father Christmas did come and the reindeers did eat some carrot/Christmas cake etc.

Then we open pressies, get ourselves to church taking one pressie along each because Pastor David gets all the kids down to show what they were given. So sweet. We sing carols, we get festive. This is wonderful. I love it.

The rest of Christmas Day is spent with family in various combinations. It's always tricky to see everyone, and we mostly don't get to, but it's lovely lovely lovely, and there is always lots of love and pressies for you littles.

Boxing Day has become the Bown Christmas, so we often have brunch together and pressies on this day too. Oh my. Now we are exhausted.

aww...the sweet expression of Soul cramming it in. And that's how you celebrate.

It's busy. And by this time, mama wonders why she creates so many extra jobs for herself to do. But the love poured into each ritual, the moments spent together creating, living, loving and being are the stuff of life. So thankful we get to do this life together. You guys are my favourites!

I think I've missed some Huz. But not many. Cant wait to see what you add into the mix over the years, and what gets dropped by the wayside.

Totally up to you babe.

I love you boys, 


mum x x