round one done!

Taxol round one done baby! For the last three weeks I have had my weekly infusion of taxol and as it happens pretty much a weekly blood transfusion or two thrown in there too. Add in a power port insertion surgery, and it's pretty safe to say I am a hospital dweller through and through.

my pretty orange decolletage after port is put in

The actual infusions themselves have been super straight forward and have been given over 3 or so hours. The blood transfusions are longer depending on how many units - they have taken up to 5 hours in the chair. Lucky those big old plush chairs at Tennyson are so darn comfy.

Huz making me laugh at chemo

The most challenging part without doubt has been the overwhelming fatigue that has made me feel each of my cells are gasping for oxygen, and then laying down on their own individual feather pillows and declaring a strike until I can organize better air flow and working conditions. C'mon little guys! This is when I need you the most and you are totally just laying down on the job. 

Slackers.

With my normal racing around a lie down actually sounds appealing, but this kind of tired has dragged along some unwelcome companions such as boredom (but too stinking exhausted to even play music) and a side serve of mild depression. 
 
Today I feel way less tired than I have done. A little corner of my heart is celebrating, but I'm cautious as day two after chemo is always mild compared to day three and four, so I'm expecting the next couple of days to be bumpy to say the least. 

I'm planning to try a couple of new things in the next few days to detox so I'll have to see if they make any difference at all. I've been drinking warm water with lemon juice squeezed in today - really really yum. Tomorrow I'll be having an epsom salt and lavender oil detox bath and might even throw in an enema if I'm feeling brave. Just want to take things into my own hands a little more instead of just waiting around for my jolly red blood count to hit the roof.

True and Brave are about to be dropped home by Granny & Gramps, Soul is coming round with cousin L and Aunty N and also Aunty A is coming round. She only has two more days here before flying back to Turkey and I'm going to totally lose it when she goes. It has been amazing to have her here. There are no words. When a sister fly's all the way around the world to see you when you are sick you know you are loved!

Aunty A came with me to treatment and some blood tests this past week. She is such sunshine. All the nurses love talking with her and she is just the perfect relaxing companion to take along. 

I just realised though that we havn't managed to take a photo of us together since she's come. No surprise really as I'm not exactly dressing to impress these days and barely ever really feel like having a camera pointed at me, but I have to remember to take some this afternoon amongst all the crazy!

Just one more thing since the boys aren't home yet...

My 'Jesus Calling' has been so very encouraging for my spirit over recent months. A recent theme in my life is all this waiting. Waiting for results. Waiting for this pain to pass, this chemo drip to finish, this afternoon to drag on, this exhaustion to cease. Waiting.

'Waiting on me means directing your attention to Me in hopeful anticipation of what I will do. It entails trusting Me with every fiber of your being instead of trying to figure things out yourself. Waiting on Me is the way I designed you to live; all day every day.' 

Light bulb moment. 

Waiting on God is not like waiting on circumstance. Waiting on God is how I have been designed to live in hopeful anticipation. It's just how to put skin on this when I'm not able to lift my head off the pillow, and my heart is sinking and downcast and it's just all hard work and I'm searching for the sunshine or even the silver lining; I'd take that...but even the lining seems grey.

So what does it look like to trust and wait on Jesus in these times. 

I guess I'm in the middle of learning.